For those of you who know me already know this but for those who don’t I have a big thing for underwear/spandex/spandex and sports gear. One of my online buds and I have been talking for months, and yet to meet but that’s a different story , and he has a boy friend whose’ handsome, beefy built ( HOT build) and wear bikini briefs, so I keep kidding him that when I finally meet him and come over I’m going to steal a pair of his boyfriends bikinis. My buddy is a good guy, real laid back and easy going. His boyfriend travels a lot and I think they are doing pretty good and will soon enough have the commitment talk, but that’s just the impression I get. So we were talking this AM about all things good and smutty, when he told me that he told his BF about me wanting to get his undies, LOL can you believe it? man I was taken back when he said it, usually most guys don’t tell stuff like that, it’s not that I mind I don’t cause I’d give anything to see his bf in the bikinis but oh well. Too funny

Ok, moving on, this blog thing is great, so far I have enjoyed writing in it and hope to do a lot more. My father has been in the hospital since this past week so I haven’t had anytime to sit down and write. Just so you know these entries will have order just random thoughts. And btw, it’s nothing to serious with my father but I will keep you posted. My main goal lately on the net is to find friends. Which in itself is hard to do, I’m pretty laid back (depending on who you as LOL) easy going and not the typical gay guy. I want to find friends not into the whole party scene and going out every weekend and partying till dawn. A guy you can go to: a movie, a braves game, rodeo event (Str8 ones too, preferably PBR), hiking/camping with or just grab a 12 pack and talk. I love to just sit around and share stories, I’m not a very open person, which I’m trying to change, but drink and share everything and try to have no secrets. That’s what I want. You know just a guy next-door type is what I’m after. And hey if I can date, the better. I guess what I want is a friend first and foremost, too many guys think that if you show any interest you hop in bed, which there’s nothing wrong with friends with benefits but there’s gotta be more there then the sex for me. IS anyone else out there finding it hard to just meet nice guys for friends?

Ok moving into dating… I have coined a phrase “Terminally Single” which I tell friends I have. I haven’t seriously dated in 8 years, since my 2-year relationship with my ex ended on July 4, 1996. I know what a freaking way to ring in the 4th. But I have forgiven him and we won’t dwell on the past. I guess I’m at a point in my life where I am happy being single and I don’t want a man to complete me, just compliment me. I enjoy my freedom, but I am also a rare breed that I believe in monogamy. What kind of guy am I attracted too, well if you read above that’s the kind of guy I want, I think my bf should be one of my best friends, not the only one but one of them. I think we should each have our won friends and own interests that we can go do and enjoy, I mean if I have to spend 24/7 with someone it will last a week, then get out. Oh back to my point, about terminally single, I just have found very few people who interest me to date, I don’t know what it is, I know I’m not the most mature 33 about to be 34 year old in the world and I’m trying to grow up some and mature, but I don’t want to loose the kid in me either. I’ve also never been trusting of people, which is a defense mechanism from years ago when I was in elementary school, from about 2 or 3rd grade, everyone I become good friends with moved away at the end of the year, and this went on till I was in the 6th grade. I just got tired of having someone there and they leave the next year. Sounds stupid I know and also the whole being gay thing, I thought when I was younger no one would accept me and I would be lonely forever, which is not true, my family and friends know and it’s not an issue now. See, before I’d never write this about me, but what the heck, what do I have to loose? so I don’t know, love stinks as the song says and I will keep you posted on this.

In the last few weeks I have really been on a get healthy kick, I hired a trainer at school, started a masters stroke class, get your mind out of the gutter, it works on the 4 strokes of swimming (free, breast, back and fly) and I hope I can improve, I think at the first of the year I’m getting back on the rainbow trout, I need a coached environment. My class on sat is but its only Saturday, the trout swim 4x a week and can get back in shape. With the trainer I hope to add muscle, I mean MUSCLE, I want to look good in my Speedos this next year and wear them proud. But time will tell, I want to look good, and yeah I’m mainly doing it for myself but you know nothing better then building up and then finding those guys who wouldn’t give you the time of day when you were Beefy, and when they see you all buff, just not give them the time of day! That’s one thing about gay men I hate the most. Well the typical gay man, you have to be smooth, have abs, wear the right clothes, work out at the right gym, moisturize your face and get your hair cut SHORT, to that I say to H*ll with you, and if you don’t they don’t have anything to do with you, I call those Gay Clones. They are the ones scramming for gay rights and get married now but when it comes to other gay guys they expect you to live up to their standards and not your own, which is a little hypocritical to me, You may say now that I’m a gay, gay hater, not really if you want to live your life, I think you should do it anyway you want as long as it doesn’t infringe on the rights of another person. you want to buy the latest cloths, and do all that knock yourself out but respect my right not to do those things and don’t criticize me about it. yeah I know I can’t spell so shoot me.

Next time I swear I’m going to write about gear, but once I get started I just roll with it, I love to get mail and let me know what you think, I love to hear from guys after the same things and heck those not into it, I love to talk about it and not a monologue where you say “You’re wrong, …” but a dialogue “I disagree with X Y and Z, why do you think that way?” I’ll gladly respond to you and talk. Well my email is timothymgol@earthlink.net and my AIM is GATallCowboy. Hope to hear from you soon

Tim